Skip to main content

Chapter 6 .....Silvia


And just like that.... I had a date.

The scramble began, I had to cram 6-8 weeks of recovery plans in a matter of 10 days....

Oh, and  I mention this is my final semester of my degree?

So yea on top of working full time, trying to navigate through my interpersonal relationships,  and processing whatever is about to happen, I had to navigate what this could possibly look like for the last of my education.


I was extremely emotional at this point and probably closer to my breaking point that what I honestly wanted to admit..........

I was scared.

Scared of the pain, the recovery, the incision, hell how my body would look and feel because I had honestly just adjusted to the initial weight loss and of course dying.

While both procedures are fairly simple, its rare that they are done together....So I had no clue what to expect but that I was going to be in pain...

I got my tribe together for surgery/recovery plans, bought plenty of wine (they like red wine),and started really processing all of this...But the more I started to realize what was going on, the more I started trying to figure out what this meant for my future needs and wants...

I went to see my OBGYN surgeon for my last post-op appointment to sign some papers, get my pre opt instructions, etc.... She was hopeful, happy and super at ease that I would be ok. She reiterated the changes to my body and how it would effect any future fertility plans(IF there were any).She pulled my MRI to show me where she was going to cut, and how exactly this was going to happen....

And there it was......The thing that had come the bane of my existence 

Yea, that giant jelly bean on steroids looking thing is the mass that was sitting comfortably on my uterus, measuring about 17-19cms (and growing), and pressing against EVERYTHING .
I guess as I had gotten smaller IT had gotten bigger.

At that point, I instantly started fighting tears....
I felt stupid, like I had failed myself.
Something that large was sitting in my body and I had no clue, I thought what I had been feeling for months was 'normal'.....
I started thinking of all the cycles, pain and stomachaches that were my body telling me something was wrong.....
I didn't know though.....
I sat there sick to my stomach reflecting over the past year of my life.....

I looked up at my surgeon and said 'welp, Silvia gotta go'

'Who is Silvia?', she asked

'Sis that is sitting ruining my insides', I said cackling.......



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The tale of two identities.

As children, most of us are raised to go to college, get good jobs and strive for greatness.

As black children, most of us are raised to go to college, be better than 'them' so you can't be denied, strive for greatness and act accordingly in spaces that are not our own.

As a lot of us grow up, we take heed to our lessons, aiming for success, entering spaces (and tax brackets) that weren't able to be accessed by our grandparents and sometimes our own parents, but struggle because we aren't taught the rules of 'the game' nor do we start out from a equal space than our colleagues. 
Imagine taking your 5 year old child, telling them they have learn all the 1st grade through 6th grade material at once in a room full of 11 year olds who are already dealing with advance placement work...
So we are forced to learn on our own and quickly, how to 'act' ,where to be authentic ourselves, which hairstyles to wear ,what to wear to off hours company events, hell how t…

So I did a thing.... Chapter 1

This is the story of how my life was changed (again) in a matter of a few months... Its taken a while to process everything that has happened in my healing, the journey and ultimately what is next for me ... So bare with me as I tell this LONG story, Ill include pictures though to make it kinda fun...I have dealt with a lot of depression and anxiety stemming from this entire situation because of things that went wrong, things that were left unattended (by my own hand) and ultimate outcome...But I want to share my story because I know that someone else is hurting in silence and could use some help. While I don't have all the answers ,or maybe any some days, I have my story
On February 19th at 12:30pm, I had 19cm/ 3.06 pound fibroid and 8+ pounds of excess skin removed in the same 6 hour long procedure.... Days later I had to have 2 blood transfusions due to the loss of blood in surgery and after.  Apparently things got scary (I didn’t know,I had a TON of morphine in my system ).
I…