Chapter 3

....So I make an appointment for my first MRI and with the surgeon that was referred ...

I saw the surgeon first...She walked in with a warm energy and well versed on my case. She inquired about my menstrual and healthy history and much like everyone else completely shocked that I had inquired about my symptoms earlier. She was concerned about the size of the mass and how it was currently effecting my body. We discussed my desire to possibly still want to have my excess skin removed. As I was taking in all of things we were discussing , I looked up and asked (jokingly)

'Can you guys do the surgery together ?'

Her eyes lit up, 'Actually we can, and Im not opposed to it. It doesn't make sense for you to be cut twice, if the plastic surgeon is down and the schedules work out, we can do it together'

I recall this being one of the few high points in all of this....The possibility that I could get what I wanted and needed at the same time..

But of course there was a downside to this...

'Because of the size of the mass, and the way I will have to cut on the uterus ,I have to warn you any future pregnancies will require a C-Section for the safety of you and future baby'

....Now at that point, I felt like the wind knocked out me.

Like I said previously, the original part of the health journey was conceiving children...And of course a C-section was not part of that plan....My dreams of doulas, home births, etc were instantly snatched from me....But I had no choice, the mass was literally taking over my body.

I was devastated 

Now don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with C-sections and the babies that come from them aren't any less special. Hell, I salute moms who have them because the after effects, the procedure, the scars, its truly a labor of true love......But it wasn't what I had planned

(I guess the saying, 'If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plan' is REAL)

I was so divested over the alteration of my future fertility, that the fear of a fairly risky duo procedure never quite set in?

The risks of the surgeries separately were fairly minor but a risk still because....well they are cutting me open , the procedures together between two surgeons that had never even met....

It was going to be something to think about.