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Dear YOU,

Thank you for the calls, texts, shares,DMS, etc in regards to Chapter 1 and 2...
As you have read thus far, this was an interesting experience to say the least ...
I battled with alot going into this because well it like most adult things , was a process.
A few questions i have been asked alot are..

Why did you go to your appointments alone?
I do most things alone, I knew the fear that I had myself and I was honestly trying to keep it together as best as I could. I think I would have cried if I let anyone come and see any of this first hand... But I did have one person go to one appointment towards the end. Black women (I can't speak for anyone else) have a tendency to suffer through things in silence, I don't know how or why that we are programed this way, but it is part of who we are. We work through things despite the internally crumbling....I went to work, maintained my school work, saw my friends, remained active as best I could despite knowing something was wrong.... I can't explain it, its just something that we do culturally. *Kanye shrug*

Why didn't you tell anyone?
There were a few people who knew some of what was going on; my mom, my therapist, some of my tribe, my trusted coworkers and my manager.

That mass was huge, you didn't feel it?
This is something that I feel a bit of guilt about....
I started to be really hard on myself because I started to feel like I failed myself.
I felt like I didn't listen to my body because the symptoms were there and had been but I thought they were 'normal'?
The back pain, heavy cycles, belly pain, etc....
It was all there but to be honest, I was previously 300+ pounds, and had size DD breast..So I had felt back pain but honestly thought nothing of it, no woman has a perfect cycle and I had my stomach cut...

How did you handle all of this?
I kept going to work, therapy, and attempted to keep life as normal as possible.
Now from the time the mass was identified I did do a little life adjusting as far as my insurance, working additional OT,paid up some bills, etc in the event there was something truly wrong no one else would have to step in too much. While we must be mindful of any day being our last, it feels a little different when you are possibly looking at it a little closer. Fortunately enough I work for a company that handles these things so I kinda knew what to do.

Do you still want a baby?
My future fertility is something I am batting with, and I'm working on boundaries when approached with conversation.
However, I will give a word of advice, please stop asking when childless women when they are having children, no matter who you think you are or what your intention is...You have no clue.

Where is chapter 3?
It is on its way...

I've answered as much as I can without giving up Chapter 3 (and 4 if there is one).....



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