Sunday, January 28, 2018

...... I am no ones 'girlfriend' and its okay.

 
I don't know if the way I originally came across this video was shade from the universe, or divine intervention..... 
However Ill take the latter on that one,lol....
  

But I actually watched this maybe a half a dozen times before deciding to repost it with my thoughts..
Klairkia confirmed some things that I had been feeling or realizing about myself as of lately, and honestly it has to be a case for most ladies at my age. We are often shamed into thinking that this path is not okay by our peers who have already settled or married, traditions that don't really fit our generation ( like lets be honest you can order pants,alchohol, groceries and find a hook up all from the palm of your hand, life is just not like it used to be),or just burdens from our past.....

Shit, I was actually called 'emotionally unavailable' several times lately for expressing some of these exact sentiments .... And after hearing her speak, it confirmed what I knew....  
I'm not emotionally unavailable, I am just emotionally sensitive, or even selective 
But because of the fact that I love/think differently and certainly very intensely, and its really rare I let anyone in my space or even have a real interest in another party,I  know that I must guard that part of me so that I am not gone off every other cute smile with locs and an accent ( I'll admit it,I gotta type, now judge your mother)....And there is nothing wrong with protecting me, my peace and my space.... There is nothing wrong with entertaining the company of more than one individual, having sex with one or all of them, as long as I am safe and honest with all parties and most importantly, myself.

We have been tricked into thinking that we have to potentially waste years with an individual, walk in the spirit of girlfriend/fiancee/wife or whatever these women hating pastors are feeding us this week in order to build our forevers when nine times out ten we were never supposed to entertain this person for longer than a few months, a few dinners, a baecation and possibly a half a dozen hook ups (if that is your thing, sis)....Whole time you been on hold with someone in someplace,you didn't need to be.... 
And Ms/Mr Right is waiting under your nose ,but you don't know it because you been 'talking' or shacked up with the same person 

We often condemn people for being in relationships for years, they break up and end up happily married to someone that they have known for less than a year.... and WHY? 
Because their previous partner served time and feels entitled to a prize for their time served? It simply doesn't work like that...
Now, I will be the first to admit, I was victim to this way of thinking (not for my own circumstances, none of my exes are happily married....or married for that matter *kanye shrug*) ....But we are often tricked to thinking that loyalty deserves some kinda prize, and it honestly doesn't, you do it because its the right thing to do at that time or its simply apart of your character, anything outside of that is flaw and not genuine .

We are being brainwashed into thinking that we need to rush to be partnered up to be miserable to get married to being legally miserable.......  
And for what? To say we aren't alone? To have monogamous sex? 
All things that we can do while dating?
Let me take a step back, I am not condemning marriage, nor am I saying that I don't want to get married, because I'll be the first to admit that I want to annoy the same person, love on another human and all that good stuff  ONE DAY,  BUT if I haven't learned ANYTHING else in the past few months to a year is that some people aren't forever, they are for right now,accept it , and my ability to overthink can (and will) work against me if I let it. 

Even in the pre-relationship, dating stage we often stop dating/ courting others because we think we have to give relationship benefits when we are still single, and we don't, because that means its a relationship and we have possibly given up what could have been right or even fun, for what we thought was right.... 

I really wish I could show this video to 19-21year old Cookii, it probably would have gone over her head because she was a stubborn wild little Taurus, but it would have nice to at least have it in the back of her head...... Yet 31 year old Cookii appreciates it the same, and feels better that she isn't alone in her thoughts. 


I am no ones 'girlfriend.....And its okay  
-Cookii 



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