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Showing posts from January, 2017

Two weeks later......

So I am about two weeks into the #100daysOfCookii
And can I be honest?
(I'm never really not honest on this thing......)

Oh this shit has been TRAGIC, okay maybe I am being slightly dramatic? Well maybe I'm not......

But seriously, it did start out kind of rough. I found out the truth about things I had been denying to myself, lost an additional few pounds (that I did nothing to lose),came clean about some things that were on my chest  and decided to take the quarter off from school to take care of me. 

But as far as my goals are concerned, I did make a little progress......
Dedicate one hour a day to me and something I love or will provide me some type of substance - I did actually take some time to write more (obviously), and color.... Yea, color... I found some peace in it, and its impossible to bother someone who is coloring...Buy myself things and not feel bad..... I will literally not buy myself things I desire because I subconsciously think of others and their needs? - I actu…

The Stopwatch.....

I am about to touch on something, slightly out of the norm.....  Something a lot of people don't know about me...


I often think of my future children,
I know right....ME of all people...
Which is crazy, because this time 10 years ago (hell maybe even 5 years ago),
I had no interest in motherhood because I was traveling, working, just getting to know what works for me as a woman......Shit I was becoming a woman honestly...


So fast forward to now.... at 30.... I have 3 beautiful Godchildren ,1 adorable fairy Godchild, of course the cutest  niece ever (I'm not just saying that because it is said that she looks just like me) and now thinking of my own children.

I think of how they will look and act...I even have their names picked out...
Carter, a boy with chubby brown cheeks, bouncy curly hair (that I will probably never know how to manage),who has a love for running through the house, jumping and flipping on my damn couch and wearing sneakers just like his mommy....... Then there is Ryan…

Dear Chrisette.....

“Today, I hope that Great Moments begin in peaceful & progressive conversation. I am willing to be a bridge. I don’t mind ‘These Stones,’ if they allow me to be a voice for the voiceless.” -Chrisette Michele
'

Dear Chrisette,

I'm sure you never thought in a million years that you would perform at the inauguration of Donald Trump..... 
And to be honest I don't think we would ever see the inauguration of Donald Trump?
But here we are..
Today this man , who ran a campaign that was based on bigotry, hatred, and more phobias than I think I really knew existed is being sworn in to lead us for the next 4 years..... 

And you are scheduled to perform.
But I'm not mad, like at all. In a world where people who look like us are securing smaller bags for doing more less than legal things , didn't vote in any election prior to President Obama running,  do nothing to better people of color (or humanity for that matter) or hell even bought your last album are criticizing you for your c…
I remember before it was cool to share your ideas and thoughts with the world , There were notebooks... Before people would bare their souls for the masses, There were journals .... Before investing hundreds and thousands of dollars in technology, There was just pen and paper
I remember when it was just my pen, my paper.... and me..


Protect your spirit.

As we have  approached the new year, we make our resolutions for desired bodies and budgets...

Let us not forget our spirits and how imperative it is that we protect it in this season.
As we come out the holiday most of us are worn, tired, finically drained all due to obligations that we 'think' we have to other people.... Obligations of putting ourselves in uncomfortable spaces for the sake of others and their pleasure when we know we have no place there in the first place.

January is actually named on the most depressing months of the year for the reasons mentioned above..... What a shocker?

In the past few weeks I have been thinking real hard about my career, relationships (platonic, and romantic) and the effects of this on myself.  I have found myself drained, tired, destructive and even physically ill all because of feelings I didn't want to hurt, conversations I didn't want to have, comfort of others,etc.

All because I didn't protect myself.
I know this all sounds …

100 Days of Cookii.....

Needless to say after ducking dodging the bad juju that was 2016, I had a super rough end of 2016 and beginning of 2017.... 


But I made it...
There were some (a lot) of tears, some (a lot) pain and a few (SEVERAL) bottles of wine
via GIPHY
But I made it.....

And isn't that the most important part of it all?? 
So now that I have reached a point of calmness, and certainly a place of clarity, I have started to gain some type of insight of things I needed for the next 100 days and new year....
Oh no this is not one of those 'New Year, New Me' post.... 
But after investing so much of my 2016 in others, a previous occupation, and countless interactions that I know I had no interest in, I am dedicating the next 100 days to me..... Yes, from January 9,2017 to April 18,2017, I am going to love on myself, refuse anything that I have no interest in or could possibly do me harm, and if I get a chance, kick the booze a little and eat some vegetables... And fruit that hasn't been soaked in t…
Okay...
I have a confession...
For the past couple of years, I have been in an abusive relationship.
Wait.... 
Before you all get up in arms, let me explain.....
I have been in an abusive relationship with myself. As I have dated in my adult life, I have caused myself some serious harm. Dating and being infatuated with those who showed me they weren't for me, and yet I still stayed.....Thinking I could love them through whatever plagued them, show them how they should be treated, or that I could save them.

Yup, I stayed. 
I stayed putting myself at risk, my time, my emotions, my money, my everything for someone who would more often than desired leave me in tears 6- 18months later..... 

I have a habit of loving hard,while its not a horrible thing... The damage it comes with when its not in the correct space often feels like I'm coming off a drug cold turkey? And I sit there riddled with 'shoulda' ,'coulda', 'wouldas' about why things happen they way that they do…
Let me ask you something...
Yea, YOU.
If God (or whatever you believe in ) were to send you the ideal partner you asked for...
Would you even be prepared?
This is a question I have asked probably a half a dozen times because its a real question.... Are we really prepared for what we ask for? Or is this another case of 'be careful for what you wish for.. You might just get it'?

Like seriously, we ask for someone that we can love, who can love us, all while not being mentally, or financially  prepared for that individual? Do we continue being who we are despite not being what they need to maintain what we ask for or do we eventually step out our comfort zone to attempt to grow in the direction needed to cultivate the relationship we desire?

I say this, because I have been talking to a friend of mine (gotta love my friends, they are normally the source for most of my blogs),she recently broke up with a woman she had been seeing in an attempt to find herself ... But this was only after …