Monday, February 1, 2016

Space.




 
I love everyone.... 

But that is honestly one of my biggest flaws... I often don't create boundaries with people because I think they 'need' me.... My exs, family,friends..... You name it.... 

I can be very passive aggressive.... I will stop speaking to a person or ignore a situation until I have decided I am over it,instead of just telling someone ...
'Hey you are being an asshole and it's really upsetting me' or 'Please don't contact me until you are done being completely f**ked up. You and your bullshit is dimming my light'
I realized that I was more concerned with not hurting someone or being there for the next person that I was hurting myself and not giving me what I needed......

One of my #thirtyX30  is the gift of space.... I am reclaiming my citizenship of the United States of Ash. I am taking back my mental space, and looking for new physical space.

I worry about people I love ... 

But when I realized that concerning myself with people who don't listen to solicited (and unsolicited ) advice yet reappearing after with a sob story, things that happen after I clock out from work ,etc was starting to kill me.....I tend to carry the burdens of people who don't care enough about themselves (or me) to change their actions. I can't worry myself over someone who sleeps at night.....It makes no sense.

There is a problem .

Truthfully,I have come to realize its no ones fault but my own.....However since I have realized this....I have started to shut down situations that are toxic for me and called those out for harming me no matter if it is intentional or not....I am learning that not every phone call needs to be answered, sometimes folks just need to 'figure it out', and not everyone needs Ash as an advocate.

I have spent a lot of time saving others.....Now its time to save me

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