Sunday, April 19, 2015

The waiting game.........

'Yea, we can still be friends...'

Six of the oddest words to ever be formed together coming out of your exs mouth... But I mean honestly, do you really want to be 'friends' with your ex? Shit,the friendship you had prior and during the course of your relationship is almost null and void at of break up right?

Like what is the social etiquette for platonic relationships with exs?
Is there even a possibility of being platonic with an ex right after a break up?

I personally love all my exs, I can't stand most of them as people and maybe that's why we aren't together, but still love them (lol). I have one ex who you would never even know we have ever dated,we are actually best friends..Another one whose bedside I prayed at,after they were in the near fatal accident.. But all of that took years and some real life events (death,cancer, adoption,etc) to happen.

These kinds of relationships are  NOT common,but it works for us?

I was talking to another good friend of mine and told her,I feel like there should be sometime of grace period or process when attempting non-romantic relationships with exs?
For example...

  • The days and first couple of weeks following the break up,its okay to still check in with a few texts on the other party's well being, pending bills,and unfinished business.
  • The following few months, calls should taper off and communication should be left to well being,family, birthdays and or big box holidays (Christmas, Thanksgiving,and Mothers day if applicable).I feel like this stage is pretty key,simply because this is the time when most couples are at possible 'lets try this again' point, but why be bothered with each other when you know you aren't interested,and this is where the problems come from.......At this stage I still may or may not look the other way if I see you in the grocery store....I'm just being honest, I don't do awkward very well....I'm anxious enough as a person
  • Next 1-3 years communication should be pretty much limited to 'check ins',big box holidays,and 'How's your mom?' .....Now in my case I can skate through because I have their moms number or she hated me ,so I don't have to check in on her,lol! 
  • The following amount of time is at  personal discretion. Now personally,this is the point where I may be able to see you in public without avoiding you, meet you for a possible dinner,etc.
 ....Yea it was that serious that I needed bullet points, lol. Don't bullet points make things more official?

I digress though...

It has taken close to a decade to develop any type of close truly platonic relationship....But with 10 years come real life issues, trials, tribulations, and most importantly maturity, to be honest it has taken a lot of the same factors to create genuine friendships with my home girls...
These relationships, I value but understand that it has taken time to get them.... So I guess when I hear my ex (or anyone's for that matter) say 'We can still be friends...', I almost laugh.... Friendship isn't created when the other party is still deeply emotional about the situation (and not willing to talk), or when one party feels the need to fire subliminal shots at the other party via Facebook.

Friendship between exs can only be created when both parties can be real... I mean super candid about the truth, and still want happiness for each other....even if its not with them....And most importantly, everyone has the needed healing time to process the loss..... 


I really wish, I could have thought this clearly as 19 year old Cookii? 

But in a few situations, I can honestly say I acted out pain and frustration........I can say, I did learn though...So I guess it makes it ok?
Right?


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