Skip to main content

Discovery.....

You know how we all have those New Years resolutions that we never keep up??


......I guess this year is slightly different for me? Instead of making the resolution that Im going to stop opening credit cards, do better in school,stop eating candy,etc....

I have decieded that I am going to be honest,
Not saying that I am some kinda of liar.
But I want to be just as real as I am with everyone else.....with myself.

The first step started with my previous blog,
I am adding structure to my life,and if you know me.....well you know I need it.

I do what I want, I always have.....


Now I am discovering just what kind of woman I am.
Which is tricky,
I don't like to talk about things,I hate conflict,I'd rather sweep things under the rug,
I'd honestly rather laugh about.......eh everything.
I always 'save face' in every situation,I feel like I have to be a lady, I don't beer or wear sweats outside my home.



This, like most things in life ....is a process..

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The tale of two identities.

As children, most of us are raised to go to college, get good jobs and strive for greatness. As black children, most of us are raised to go to college, be better than 'them' so you can't be denied, strive for greatness and act accordingly in spaces that are not our own. As a lot of us grow up, we take heed to our lessons, aiming for success, entering spaces (and tax brackets) that weren't able to be accessed by our grandparents and sometimes our own parents, but struggle because we aren't taught the rules of 'the game' nor do we start out from a equal space than our colleagues.  Imagine taking your 5 year old child, telling them they have learn all the 1st grade through 6th grade material at once in a room full of 11 year olds who are already dealing with advance placement work... So we are forced to learn on our own and quickly, how to 'act' ,where to be authentic ourselves, which hairstyles to wear ,what to wear to off hours company events,

Chapter 6 .....Silvia

And just like that.... I had a date. The scramble began, I had to cram 6-8 weeks of recovery plans in a matter of 10 days.... Oh, and  I mention this is my final semester of my degree? So yea on top of working full time, trying to navigate through my interpersonal relationships,  and processing whatever is about to happen, I had to navigate what this could possibly look like for the last of my education. via GIPHY I was extremely emotional at this point and probably closer to my breaking point that what I honestly wanted to admit.......... I was scared. Scared of the pain, the recovery, the incision, hell how my body would look and feel because I had honestly just adjusted to the initial weight loss and of course dying. While both procedures are fairly simple, its rare that they are done together....So I had no clue what to expect but that I was going to be in pain... I got my tribe together for surgery/recovery plans, bought plenty of wine (they like

Chapter 5

So I go back to see the plastic surgeon days following the MRI.... She admits that the mass sitting there needed to be removed and it would be better in the long run for it to be gone for my desired results regarding her surgery. I asked her about doing the surgery with the other surgeon .... She starred at me And I starred at her... 'Well, we could do it, but just so you know this is going to hurt...like a lot and this makes the possibility for infection higher'  (Now seeing how I have a HUGE mass on my uterus the size of a child, I would imagine this would hurt) '......But there is no sense in cutting twice, if our schedules can permit this we will do it' I looked up at her and asked 'Well can you get a picture of the skin you are going to cut? I want to see it...' She laughed and agreed. Now this is literally the best news I had heard in weeks.... However  we had a few variables..... a-The plastic surgeon made it painfully clea