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Feeling pink

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror I can't take the person starin' back at me I'm a hazard to myself
-Pink,Dont let me get me

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The tale of two identities.

As children, most of us are raised to go to college, get good jobs and strive for greatness.

As black children, most of us are raised to go to college, be better than 'them' so you can't be denied, strive for greatness and act accordingly in spaces that are not our own.

As a lot of us grow up, we take heed to our lessons, aiming for success, entering spaces (and tax brackets) that weren't able to be accessed by our grandparents and sometimes our own parents, but struggle because we aren't taught the rules of 'the game' nor do we start out from a equal space than our colleagues. 
Imagine taking your 5 year old child, telling them they have learn all the 1st grade through 6th grade material at once in a room full of 11 year olds who are already dealing with advance placement work...
So we are forced to learn on our own and quickly, how to 'act' ,where to be authentic ourselves, which hairstyles to wear ,what to wear to off hours company events, hell how t…

So I did a thing.... Chapter 1

This is the story of how my life was changed (again) in a matter of a few months... Its taken a while to process everything that has happened in my healing, the journey and ultimately what is next for me ... So bare with me as I tell this LONG story, Ill include pictures though to make it kinda fun...I have dealt with a lot of depression and anxiety stemming from this entire situation because of things that went wrong, things that were left unattended (by my own hand) and ultimate outcome...But I want to share my story because I know that someone else is hurting in silence and could use some help. While I don't have all the answers ,or maybe any some days, I have my story
On February 19th at 12:30pm, I had 19cm/ 3.06 pound fibroid and 8+ pounds of excess skin removed in the same 6 hour long procedure.... Days later I had to have 2 blood transfusions due to the loss of blood in surgery and after.  Apparently things got scary (I didn’t know,I had a TON of morphine in my system ).
I…

Chapter 6 .....Silvia

And just like that.... I had a date.

The scramble began, I had to cram 6-8 weeks of recovery plans in a matter of 10 days....

Oh, and  I mention this is my final semester of my degree?
So yea on top of working full time, trying to navigate through my interpersonal relationships,  and processing whatever is about to happen, I had to navigate what this could possibly look like for the last of my education.

via GIPHY
I was extremely emotional at this point and probably closer to my breaking point that what I honestly wanted to admit..........
I was scared.
Scared of the pain, the recovery, the incision, hell how my body would look and feel because I had honestly just adjusted to the initial weight loss and of course dying.
While both procedures are fairly simple, its rare that they are done together....So I had no clue what to expect but that I was going to be in pain...
I got my tribe together for surgery/recovery plans, bought plenty of wine (they like red wine),and started really proc…