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...........Intermission

Dear YOU,
(Yes,YOU)

Thank you for the calls, texts, shares,DMS, etc in regards to Chapter 1 and 2...
As you have read thus far, this was an interesting experience to say the least ...
I battled with alot going into this because well it like most adult things , was a process.
A few questions i have been asked alot are..

Why did you go to your appointments alone?
I do most things alone, I knew the fear that I had myself and I was honestly trying to keep it together as best as I could. I think I would have cried if I let anyone come and see any of this first hand... But I did have one person go to one appointment towards the end. Black women (I can't speak for anyone else) have a tendency to suffer through things in silence, I don't know how or why that we are programed this way, but it is part of who we are. We work through things despite the internally crumbling....I went to work, maintained my school work, saw my friends, remained active as best I could despite knowing something…
Recent posts

So I did a thing.... Chapter 2

On January 13, 2020, I saw my primary care physical who was in awe of my weight loss progress, and agreed that I was 'tiny' (in her defense, she has seen me over 300lbs and present for the weight battles). She advised that she would document  the excess skin was ultimately holding up my progress, and I prepared to go on my way....Then I stopped, I asked her to feel my stomach because I had concerns about a hard spot I felt on my stomach that I assumed was scare tissue? Of course I came with a answer for my doctor, I mean what else would i be using that fashion degree for... She pressed on my stomach, said it wasn't a hernia nor was it any type of scar tissue, she ordered an ultrasound...........At that point my heart sank.

I went home to process what I was and was not told all while attempting to keep it all together... What fun.... So I got my first ultrasound that week (which was a horrific experience, the tech asked alarming questions, went to get her boss, then sent m…

So I did a thing.... Chapter 1

This is the story of how my life was changed (again) in a matter of a few months... Its taken a while to process everything that has happened in my healing, the journey and ultimately what is next for me ... So bare with me as I tell this LONG story, Ill include pictures though to make it kinda fun...I have dealt with a lot of depression and anxiety stemming from this entire situation because of things that went wrong, things that were left unattended (by my own hand) and ultimate outcome...But I want to share my story because I know that someone else is hurting in silence and could use some help. While I don't have all the answers ,or maybe any some days, I have my story
On February 19th at 12:30pm, I had 19cm/ 3.06 pound fibroid and 8+ pounds of excess skin removed in the same 6 hour long procedure.... Days later I had to have 2 blood transfusions due to the loss of blood in surgery and after.  Apparently things got scary (I didn’t know,I had a TON of morphine in my system ).
I…
I know who needs to hear this....

I forgive you..
For the physical abuse.

I forgive you,
For the lying, and for the cheating.

I forgive you, 
For making me feel like I was inadequate .

I forgive you ,
For making feel like the abuse you gave was deserved .

I forgive you,
For projecting your past trauma on me

I forgive you,
For accusing me of miscarrying what would have been our child.

I forgive you,
For leaving me when you said you would never.

I forgive you, 
For making me feel like love had to be that way

I forgive you,
For making me think that if I was smaller or prettier that things would be different

I forgive you,
For calling me 'broken'






Here is to a new week  life  
x0x0, Cookii