Sunday, January 28, 2018

...... I am no ones 'girlfriend' and its okay.

 
I don't know if the way I originally came across this video was shade from the universe, or divine intervention..... 
However Ill take the latter on that one,lol....
  

But I actually watched this maybe a half a dozen times before deciding to repost it with my thoughts..
Klairkia confirmed some things that I had been feeling or realizing about myself as of lately, and honestly it has to be a case for most ladies at my age. We are often shamed into thinking that this path is not okay by our peers who have already settled or married, traditions that don't really fit our generation ( like lets be honest you can order pants,alchohol, groceries and find a hook up all from the palm of your hand, life is just not like it used to be),or just burdens from our past.....

Shit, I was actually called 'emotionally unavailable' several times lately for expressing some of these exact sentiments .... And after hearing her speak, it confirmed what I knew....  
I'm not emotionally unavailable, I am just emotionally sensitive, or even selective 
But because of the fact that I love/think differently and certainly very intensely, and its really rare I let anyone in my space or even have a real interest in another party,I  know that I must guard that part of me so that I am not gone off every other cute smile with locs and an accent ( I'll admit it,I gotta type, now judge your mother)....And there is nothing wrong with protecting me, my peace and my space.... There is nothing wrong with entertaining the company of more than one individual, having sex with one or all of them, as long as I am safe and honest with all parties and most importantly, myself.

We have been tricked into thinking that we have to potentially waste years with an individual, walk in the spirit of girlfriend/fiancee/wife or whatever these women hating pastors are feeding us this week in order to build our forevers when nine times out ten we were never supposed to entertain this person for longer than a few months, a few dinners, a baecation and possibly a half a dozen hook ups (if that is your thing, sis)....Whole time you been on hold with someone in someplace,you didn't need to be.... 
And Ms/Mr Right is waiting under your nose ,but you don't know it because you been 'talking' or shacked up with the same person 

We often condemn people for being in relationships for years, they break up and end up happily married to someone that they have known for less than a year.... and WHY? 
Because their previous partner served time and feels entitled to a prize for their time served? It simply doesn't work like that...
Now, I will be the first to admit, I was victim to this way of thinking (not for my own circumstances, none of my exes are happily married....or married for that matter *kanye shrug*) ....But we are often tricked to thinking that loyalty deserves some kinda prize, and it honestly doesn't, you do it because its the right thing to do at that time or its simply apart of your character, anything outside of that is flaw and not genuine .

We are being brainwashed into thinking that we need to rush to be partnered up to be miserable to get married to being legally miserable.......  
And for what? To say we aren't alone? To have monogamous sex? 
All things that we can do while dating?
Let me take a step back, I am not condemning marriage, nor am I saying that I don't want to get married, because I'll be the first to admit that I want to annoy the same person, love on another human and all that good stuff  ONE DAY,  BUT if I haven't learned ANYTHING else in the past few months to a year is that some people aren't forever, they are for right now,accept it , and my ability to overthink can (and will) work against me if I let it. 

Even in the pre-relationship, dating stage we often stop dating/ courting others because we think we have to give relationship benefits when we are still single, and we don't, because that means its a relationship and we have possibly given up what could have been right or even fun, for what we thought was right.... 

I really wish I could show this video to 19-21year old Cookii, it probably would have gone over her head because she was a stubborn wild little Taurus, but it would have nice to at least have it in the back of her head...... Yet 31 year old Cookii appreciates it the same, and feels better that she isn't alone in her thoughts. 


I am no ones 'girlfriend.....And its okay  
-Cookii 



Monday, January 8, 2018

We made it through the first week of the new year

We as millennial POC women of color are winning right now, we are educating ourselves, starting businesses, drinking water.....

Just winning....

But to continue to win, there are a few things we gotta tighten up and most importantly give up in 2018.... Now brace yourselves,this is going to sound like a read session,ladies...... And it’s not.... Because I am honestly taking my own advice on ALOT of these so its easy for me to share...

18 Things to give up in 2k18
Standby for lots of the use of the words ‘sis’, ‘Beloved ‘ and few gay colloquialisms 
(I’ll  address that in this post too)



1- Body shamming- Lets not do this in ANY form! We won't shame sis with the fake ass or the one with the double chin, both of y'all are beautiful..... If you want to get your ass done,gastic bypass or do it all au natural..... Love your best life, sis.

2- Acting like water, fruits,vegtables or books are kryptonite- Lets take care of our mental and physical ..... We can spend a rack on red bottoms but not $6 on a case of water to fight a UTI ? Nah,let’s stop.....

3-  Being the ‘side chic’- Sis, Sza is really gonna get one if y’all badly hurt (if she hasn’t already),her man (or woman because some of y’all foul too ) is not yours and that goes for ANY day ..

4- To my ‘woke’ ,’spiritual’,’natural’ and some vegans sisters, stop shaming those sisters who don’t live like you... Let’s be honest, most of us started out with box relaxers sitting in church on Sundays and having pork chops after.....
You ain’t better than anyone with your new beliefs,Boo Boo.....Sit down, be humble.

5- This year we are gonna stop not supporting our homegirls business.... Repost her flyer,YouTube channel,tag her when someone needs her services,refer her to someone ESPECIALLY when you want her to do your make up or hair for free or super deep discount  (you know she don’t use cheap products) ....

6- Matter of fact let’s leave asking for discounts or free services of our friends in 2017 too.... You can’t possibly say that you love someone while ripping food out their mouths... You can’t negotiate with Kanye ,Lebron or Gucci, give them their rights,Sis.

7- While we are talking business, entrepreneurs and small business owners PLEASE STOP shaming those who are working conventional jobs ,they are your clients/customers and yeah you can’t see how they do it but that’s how they pay you for your services ....  


8- Cisgender heterosexual women,PLEASE leave the LGBT  colloquialisms that you have learned watching by your favorite reality star culture vulture in 2017..... Beloved you aren’t slaying anything,you aren’t serving face and the fact that you only got 3 pieces of turkey bacon with your omelet is NOT shade.... While we are at it, please stop having your bachelorette parties at gay clubs,because if one you see your man in there it’s gonna hurt ...... #noTeaNoShade

9- If you can’t claim him on your taxes,you can’t take care of him (or her), so I get it you have fallen for the potential of someone,they need a little help (God knows I get it),you watched Gucci and Keyshia story... whatever the case is,but this year sis ,do not invest more into your partner than they have invested into themselves ,you can’t ,it’s unhealthy,expensive and disrupts your growth...

10- I may ruffle a few feathers with this one,and I don’t care.....
But STOP DISRESPECTING OUR TRANS SISTERS! 
I am going to say this again, STOP DISRESPECTING TRANSWOMEN.
Here is the thing,we follow WOMEN like Amiyah Scott and Shauna Brooks on social media, literally  steal their style, and go out to disrespect next b*tch who lives the same truth.......You can't out a girl as a defense mechanism, grow up Sis......It makes you look, weak.


11- Lets stop deading friendships with our girls,but taking the same f*ck boy back 8 Times... Friends aren't forever, however a good female friend is harder to come by than the perfect size 44DD at a Lane Bryant sale, and honestly things happen... So why dead a girl for a misunderstanding/miscommunication but still taking back the same asshole who cheated on you....twice.

12- Stop 'securing a bag' if you aren't going to secure your heart (and mind to for that matter).... We have made it a priority to walk around in 'bloody shoes' but whole time we are walking around with broken hearts, and minds... Projecting our insecurities ,mommy issues (be it as the mother or the child, or both) and childhood drama on anyone  who looks our way twice.

13-We are going to STOP being finically illiterate, due to the stale Cheeto in office our finances are so uncertain on so many levels, that we have to be realistic about our futures more now than ever.
So lets increase those dollars we are putting into our 401k (or opening one), buy some stocks ( I totally dropped the ball AGAIN on the Weight Watchers stock, who knew DJ Khaled was going to get on board? ), and exploring our jobs options for retirement ...


14-  We are going to leave unhealthy hair (and stylist) in 2017,and stop spending more on our bundles than our own hair .... Now I gotta admit I LOVE my bundles (shoutouts to Foreign Strandzz in Cleveland,Ohio ) and yea I find it to be more fun to rock my inches but I do maintain a somewhat healthy head of thick curly hair under it all (not every chic who is bundled is bald ) 
So let’s invest in someone who loves healthy hair,makes it fun and gives hair care knowledge and stop letting every other heffa with needle ,thread and flatiron in our head ...

15- We are going to stop glorifying this ‘savage’ shit this year.....
 Let us stop pretending that we are heartless,unbothered and like we don’t need love..... I know Rih said that shit in a song,but remember she got a millionaire that is loving her ass....
Sis,savages are beast,no one wife’s them.  
sav·age
ˈsavij/ 
noun
  1. 1
    (chiefly in historical or literary contexts) a member of a people regarded as primitive and uncivilized.

16- We are going to leave our garbage eating habits too.... Now I know this is a hard one because my favorite food group used to be the fried one, okay so Im not exactly sure if that one is on the food pyramid ..... 
But I digress 
But I am going to be real candid on this one, okay... 
So if you are easily offended, uhh you shouldn't have been here in the first place?
We are gonna eat better to feel better, to taste better, to live better.... We can't live off mcDoubles, sour patch kids and diet Coke and wonder why we feel like hell all the time and our box taste like car keys and battery acid. Lets get a probiotic, some fresh fruits ,veggies, and WATER so we can be amazed how much better we feel...

17- Let us staying in one place be a thing of 2017, there is a whole big world outside of our local bars and clubs....Let's see it! 
Take a trip, be it a baecation,a girls trip, or my personal favorite a solo adventure, see something that can change your view of world.... You deserve it.

18- Lastly, the the last thing we are going to leave in 2017 is weight.... 
Be it physical, spiritual, mental, etc, we are going to leave it all there and progress on a path of happiness, empowerment  wellness, prosperity and shit, smiles! I have heard some horror stories of 2017, but we aren't bringing that weight into 2018, we are gonna flourish because we are lighter from the burdens, drama ,heartbreak, etc that we left 9 days ago.


Happy New Year, Sis
 x0x0, 
Cookii

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

The $24.99 Ring.....


I really love post like these because it honestly shows peoples priories and could possibly help dodge some dating bullets depending  on the side of the fence you fall on..... 
Seriously, remember my $28 date post? 
 Its always so interesting and kinda humorous  to hear peoples perspectives because honestly the majority of millennials are all broke as hell due to college loans or just life at 30-something? 
As I scrolled through the responses I saw a lot of SINGLE women clowning the idea of men who would give his future bride such a small token of this affection, or even worse the woman who received it..... But why? 
Isn't the point to find a person who loves you enough to give you the commitment of a ring and to build from there?
I mean has social media ruined us so much that we see debt as a form as love? 
Please don't forget sis, that you will inherit his debt soon as you say 'I do' and it could be the difference between a 2 bd rm apt and a house.....


So I sat and thought back and thought could I, me,.... Cookii accept a $26.74 (this is including tax) ring from someone who is my forever....

HELL YEA I COULD.....   

But I'll be completely honest, at this point in life this $10 thang from Groupon (you know I LOVE Groupon) doesn't sound bad from the RIGHT person?


Now for those who know me personally (or think they do) I know they don't believe that I would or could take a $25 engagement ring.... But the older I get the less conventional I am about life, life events and of course more things in between... I mean in all honestly, what do I need my future to spend 5k on a ring for.....Unless we living in it? Shit, Offset put a half mill on Cardi's finger and she barely wears it...But does she have to? 


Yea, I used to have dreams of a super big event complete with a Patron fountain, large ring and live performance by Jodeci that honestly would have made the Wopsters look modest, but at some point (probably somewhere around 30,or when ALL my girls got married), I realized that I couldn't think of of 75-100 people that I would want to feed on my dime or needed to keep up appearances for.... I guess 'after 30 Cookii' could be very content with 30 tolerable people, some I do's on a beach in Santo Domingo, or maybe trading vows with my fiancée in some kicks (well a gorgeous heel in my case).... But in grand Cookii fashion, there will be a open bar and tacos, certain things are non-negotiables 

On second thought, I may still want to splurge on a live performance by Jodeci.... Its for the culture?

Judge your mother. 




Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Here we go.....

So before we start with our 'new year, new me' post, can we have a moment of truth?


Well, since Im writing.... Im just going to pretend that you just agreed....

Lets just be honest with ourselves, not live in the resolutions, but give sincere effort to become healthier, less fucked up versions of ourselves who can save a few dollars for 2018 and every other year we are blessed to see after that? 


-Cookii


Sunday, December 10, 2017

  
Jay W. Lewis
11/29/1984- 11/06/2017

I told you that you were sent here to make the world a little bit more beautiful,
I left out the part where you loved, and made the most inappropriate jokes...
Its hard being in a world that still goes on with one less amazing ,funny person in it.
Over the past few weeks people have tried to comfort me telling me that you are in a better place, but honestly....Whats better than here with all of us? 
I guess I may be selfish in that aspect and I'm totally okay with that... 
But its hard to be here without my friend, my movie buddy, my dinner date, and of course my drinking partner.... 
Remember that time we met that vampire in that seedy ass gay bar,  the time you came to my graduation because my dad was sick in the hospital or that time I helped fray silk organza for your senior collection? 
You have blessed me with the example of true friendship and love... 
I won't ever be the same.

Ill love you forever 
-Ash